my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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