Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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