There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
