One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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