I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
