I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
