My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
