Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
