I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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