Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
