I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize