It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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