I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
