god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
