I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My vagina is officially offended.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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