I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
