i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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