She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i out mim tonsoeep
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