Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
