so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
