I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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