Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
