The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Rumble strips road head = magical
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
