It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His hands were made for my vagina.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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