I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
