So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
