found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize