my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize