i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
