I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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