My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
