So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
