You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I deserve this hangover.
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