3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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