i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
