Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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