Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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