I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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