I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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