She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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