an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
