we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
