hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
