the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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