Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
