If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There are leaves in my underwear?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
