dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
