you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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