She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
