craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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