You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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