at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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