apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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