Umm I'm too high to move.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
