Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
