I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
what day is it and did you see me today?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
