everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
