:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
