idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
