whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
