Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
