I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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