Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
