Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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