At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
