last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
