i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
