im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
this will be a night to untag.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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