My sheets look like a crime scene.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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