yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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