You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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