I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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