The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
